Step Three: Endure.

On May 23, 2024, my husband, Jim Gallagher, entered the E.R. he worked in for 15 years, this time as a patient.  Within days he was fighting for his life as an infection that began in his foot raged throughout his body, and on June 4th, his leg was amputated below the knee in order to save his life.  This is an ongoing log of our journey.

Pain is a pain.

What Jim really needs is strength-building and preparation for relearning how to walk and live, but what we are focused on and sidetracked by is the ongoing issue of back pain. 

Pain interrupts the process of strength-building by “rewarding” Jim with pain for his efforts. Kind of unmotivating.  But every day of not moving increases the risk of delaying or permanently losing function.  Moving to a rehab situation requires that Jim be on less pain medication, so this is our current focus.  It requires a good deal of courage and determination to just endure.

Jim had another CT scan yesterday just to make sure there isn't something else that needs to be addressed, but likely this will be an exercise in endurance.

Join us in praying for these qualities and breakthroughs. Our hope is that we will arrive at the point of being ready to move to a smaller facility nearer to our home that can accommodate more rehab on Monday.

Standing by.

There is pain in powerlessness, too, as I stand by.  I feel the ache of my own inability to move things forward, and sometimes I just plain unravel under the weight of it all.

“You know,” someone said to me the other day, “it’s okay to feel all your feelings.” 

I know it is, but feelings don’t always wait for a convenient time to be felt!  I’m grateful for the daily habit of journaling, and grateful that God invites us to “pour out our hearts before him.”  And I pour!  Trust me; I pour. 

Our Good Shepherd can take every raw emotion, every worry, every ridiculous plan or rant or confusion, and gather all the pieces of me back together.  His mercies truly are new every morning, and he gives me strength for my next steps, too.

My salvation and my honor rest on God, my strong rock;

my refuge is in God.

Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts before Him.

God is our refuge.

Psalm 62:7-8

Ten strings.

Back when Molly was little and our day was unravelling, we used to practice something we called the Ten Strings. It came from this mysteriously intriguing instruction from Psalm 33:2:

“Praise the LORD with the harp; make music to him on the ten-stringed lyre.”

Now, I don’t even know what a ten-stringed lyre actually looks like. I imagine it as a mini-harp of sorts, kind of the ancient version of today’s easily-portable ukelele.  David played one as a shepherd, and later for King Saul, and the lyre gets a mention several times in the psalms. 

The point is, whether I can play a musical instrument or not, praise is part of our offering to God.  We give it when we feel gratitude.  And we give it even when we don’t.  Sometimes giving thanks is itself a “sacrifice of praise”.

So back then when our attitudes were headed in the wrong direction and needed righting, I would say to my young daughter, “Let’s do the Ten Strings!”  Molly knew that meant it was time to stop and be thankful, and we would shout out ten things we were thankful for.  It’s amazing how many times those little shouts of praise righted our fast-sinking ship! 

Stopping to notice what is good, true and beautiful puts praise back into a heavy heart and gives us a firm place to stand.  It was true back then, and it is true right now: praise, and the reminder that our Good Shepherd is walking this road with us, changes things. 

So…

1.     The amazing clouds yesterday against the blue sky, in between rain squalls

2.     Finding Rebecca’s arms around me in the lobby just when I needed a good cry.

3.     Visitors to cheer Jim and talk about hunting and guns and dogs.

4.     That cherry gouda tart and a great cappuccino, a little luxury.

5.     Running into Paula and Holly and scooping up more hugs!

6.     An important conversation with Jim about our future.

7.     Drawing a sword and slaying a very small dragon (a task I’ve been dreading).

8.     The song: “Goodness of God”.

9.     Cooking a real meal in my own kitchen.

10.  Goodness and Mercy (Emmy and Oakley) supporting me on each side while I slept.

What are your Ten Strings today?

Our Good Shepherd can take every raw emotion, every worry, every ridiculous plan or rant or confusion or mistake, and gather all the pieces of us back together.  His mercies truly are new every morning, and he gives me strength for my next steps, too.

One step at a time…